How to Stop Trying to Be Like Anthony Bourdain and Become the Writer You're Meant to Be
Photo by Unsplash
Years ago, I was on a date with a guy who couldn’t stop talking about himself or his “revolutionary” show where famous musicians would come to his house to cook and then play music— all inspired by Anthony Bourdain.
It would be raw and authentic, while bringing different people together at one table. You know. The classic clichés of any food and travel show these days.
As I tried to not keep my eyes permanently rolled in the back of my head, I couldn’t help thinking: Anthony Bourdain ruined all of us.
He’s an easy person to say you want to be like, but the truth is, he wasn’t trying to be like anyone else. That’s why we loved him.
It’s also true of other iconic food writers and cookbook authors like Ruth Reichl, Samin Nosrat, Toni Tipton-Martin, Julia Child and MFK Fisher. When someone can own who they are and what they do, it’s striking and hard to let go of.
So when you start writing your own stories, it’s natural to want to mimic people you admire. The only problem is you end up creating something you think they’d write, not you.
As a reader or audience member, you know when someone is trying too hard — pushing outside of their true abilities. We’re often so enamored with the work of other people that we believe our work should be similar.
If you’re trying so hard to be someone else, you’ll never know if you’re any good as yourself. Spoiler alert: You’re better than you know.
So, here’s how to stop trying to be like Anthony Bourdain and become the writer you’re meant to be.
Get Feedback About Why People Like You and Your Work
You can never see yourself as clearly as other people, and when you eventually want to sell your manuscript, it matters what other people think.
New York Times bestseller Mary Karr notes in The Art of Memoir:
In my experience, young writers may stumble early on by misunderstanding the basic nature of their talents. We want to be who we are not. The badass wants to be a saint, the saint a slut, the slut an intellectual in pince-nez glasses.
Some business books and programs recommend folks ask their nearest and dearest what they’re strengths are when dreaming up potential business ideas. This not only gives people insight into how other people see them, but can turn the light bulb on for ways to stand out from everyone else.
Some questions you can ask people are:
When you think of me (and my work), what are 3 qualities or strengths that come to mind?
What makes you excited to read my work?
What kind of work does my writing remind you of?
What makes me different from other food writers?
You can send these via email or in-person. If the responses are coming through email, you can save them in a folder, and if in-person, make sure to take notes. For both, you can later put them in a spreadsheet and organize them.
The key is to find what people love about you and your work. The more open-ended the questions are, the better feedback you’ll get. Don’t try to control the outcome or lead folks into answering a certain way.
A few things to keep in mind when asking for feedback:
Choose trusted sources who will be able to be specific and honest with their feedback
If you’re asking someone what they think of when it comes to your work, make sure
Have an open mind about what genre or category people believe you’re in
Ask for reasons why they put you as a comparison to specific authors or books
Don’t be afraid to ask more questions if you need clarification. This is the time to work out what may or may not be working with how you and your writing is received.
Embrace (or Reevaluate) Your Writing Style
Once you have your responses, create a spreadsheet with who you contacted, their information, the most impactful comments they had and any notes you want to remember.
If you asked the same questions to each person, you can make each of those their own column for the answers.
Once you have your feedback, review your answers with the following questions:
What comments came up consistently?
Were there any surprising or unexpected comments?
Is there anything people said I didn’t like or agree with? Why?
Have other people said the same thing previously?
If people have said more than once that your writing feels more mainstream than you want to believe, lean into it. You can love highly experimental work, but you might have to consider the fact that it’s not your writing style.
You also may find that people feel you’re really funny in person, but your work comes across as intense, and that’s not what you’re aiming for.
Let’s get something straight. You don’t have to take every single suggestion someone gives you, but it’s worth spending some time with what they said.
Are there areas you can be more bold with your work or places you can readjust?
Do you feel a resistance to who they see you as and the writer you want to be?
Owning the Writer You’re Meant to Be
Now, you know how people see your work and how you feel about it. You have to own the writer you’re meant to be.
A client once told me with great disappointment: I realized in this last assignment that I’m not Ruth Reichl.
I could feel the sorrow in her voice.
“No, you’re not Ruth Reichl, and Ruth Reichl can never be you.”
The same goes for Anthony Bourdain. What makes his work magical, and the thing you re-watch old episodes for, isn’t something that can be re-created. It’s uniquely him.
When you release the need to be your heroes, you can tap into the thing that makes you you.
You don’t have to stay stuck in one place forever, but you should embrace your strengths as much as possible. By doing so, you’re giving yourself and your work the highest chance of being seen by more readers. And isn’t that what you wanted in the first place?
