Why You Really Hate Writing Feedback (and How to Fix It)

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There are givens when you’re a writer.

You have to write a lot.

That brilliant line you come up with, but don’t write down? Yeah. You’ll forget it.

Most of your writing looks like you are just staring at a blank page.

Oh, and at some point, someone has to read your work and give you feedback. Nevermind that this is one of the most important pieces of the process, most writers would rather get a filling at the dentist than have to sit and hear feedback on their work.

As advanced and “unattached” as we believe we are as writers, it still stings to hear people’s opinion of what you’ve created, especially when the comments aren’t positive. But there are a few reasons why you really hate writing feedback. To start, it begins terribly.

Starts with What’s Not Working Versus What Is

You’re sitting in front of your writing group with your draft in their hands and hoping that the 7 hours you poured over the ending of the second chapter would show through, and that they’ll appreciate the character development. 

Then, the comments come in: 

The end of chapter 2 is too long. Why are you dragging out the details there? 

And I don’t know anything about the characters. Where are they? 

I don’t know why I care about anything in this story.

Once one person starts picking apart what’s wrong, other people follow suit. And if you’re working one on one with someone, they’ll continue to see errors and problems.

By starting with what’s not working, you have now decided that you hate your work, and don’t have any real motivation to change it.

How to Fix It: The next time you get feedback on your writing, set the stage by first asking, “So, what’s working?”

You Already Know What’s Not Working

You had a feeling that your dialogue was a little wonky, so you didn’t need the monologue on how to write better character conversations. But that’s exactly what happened when you asked your editor friend to look at your pages. And that kind of feedback feels like a waste of time.

Feedback is crucial not only for the things that are working, but also for things you may have overlooked like elements of time, character development and cause and effect.

I noticed that you mentioned in chapter 1 that she hadn’t seen him in 8 years, but later on he says it’s been 6 years. Which is true?

Sophia doesn’t seem to evolve throughout the story. She ends up pretty close to how she started. Is there something we’re missing?

I like how the party forces all of these people to be together, but it’s not entirely clear why it’s happening in the first place.

As a writer, you need an extra set of eyes to catch what you may be missing being on the inside, but you want to have valuable feedback to do something with.

How to Fix It: When sending your work to someone for feedback, detail what you are and are not looking for. Ex: 

Hey Tessa, 

Thanks for taking the time to look at my draft! For this round, I’m looking for feedback on the relationship development between Sophia and Edgar — does it ring as true or does it feel forced? Also, I’m struggling a bit with the ending. I like the abruptness, but it feels like it might not be the best move with the tone of the rest of the book. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

It’s About Someone Else’s Writing and Not Your Own

Have you ever noticed how the person who writes long sentences is always commenting on how your sentences need to be shorter? Or maybe they comment on how everyone else’s work is filled with clichés, but their work isn’t all that clever. 

Someone’s feedback on your work often reveals more about them rather than you as a writer. Opening your work to criticism is a vulnerable place to be, but what you don’t want is someone giving you advice that has nothing to do with what you actually have down on the page.

Unfortunately, this one comes as a surprise because you can’t know until someone looks at your work how they’re going to look at your work. But as with any creative process, you’re constantly learning and gaining new insights of who you do and do not want to work with. So, this is just more information for an ever-evolving process.

How to Fix It: Remember that you are the god of your own story, and anyone’s feedback is just that: feedback. There is no mandate that you must change the end of chapter 2 or alter your protagonist’s journey. Take what you want and leave the rest.

Find a Worthy Partner

One mistake a lot of writers make is sending their work to people who either have a vision of how something should be or who aren’t capable of examining story on the micro and macro levels. You need a partner who not only guides you to finding your best story, but who knows when to step back and let you create what you’ve been dreaming of. 

If you’ve been craving individual attention for your book and are ready to take the next step with book coaching, I would love to be your partner in this journey. Let’s get started.